A Year in the Making.
A s the development and growth of this site is very personal and inextricably tied to the most vulnerable parts of me, I feel it’s important to have a space specifically reserved for my thoughts and experiences, to encourage transparency about the work.
If nothing else, the process of building and guiding Wndrlust to launch day has been one of intense self-reflection and learning. What you see here is the result of piece-meal knowledge – gained via Google and Youtube – and endless educated guesswork and trial and error. I am not a writer. I’m not a designer, or a filmmaker. For now, I’ll leave those titles to people far more deserving. I still wrestle with the idea of actually being a photographer.
One thing I can say I am, however, is a perfectionist – and it’s a terrible, terrible affliction. Perfectionism culminates in a punishing cycle of unforgiving scrutiny and stark depression, each chasing the other’s tail like rabid dogs. The process of creating work triggers all of my neuroses. Every step is rife with frustration, anxiety, negative self-talk and depression. Some days I look at the work I’ve done, and I feel excited about where it all could go. Other days, I look in the mirror and ask what gave me the audacity to think that it should be me that sets about bringing this idea to life. It feels surreal to be spearheading a project that seems more likely for me to discover one late night, all the while wishing I’d had the idea first.
Somehow, I’ve beat myself to my own punch and it’s a really odd place to be.
So, I’m working on ironing out the neurotic wrinkles. They’re far from gone. Reaching this milestone of letting the world see what I’ve been doing is most likely unlocking the floodgates for such wrinkles. What I’m trying to do, however, is familiarize myself with this part of the process. My anxiety is not unique, and more than anything points to an intense care about the final product. I care that the stories we share here are accurate and handled with the esteem they deserve.
Humility flies in direct opposition to perfectionism. It acknowledges the faults, the weaknesses, the struggles, and is hopeful for growth. Over time, things will change here. Language, perspective, even some goals will shift. The design will improve. The creative direction will get tighter. Mistakes will be made and we’ll learn. Sometimes it will likely be harder to keep the lights on than others. But, we’ll get better. I’m counting on that.